Loving Sons and Daughters

I believe people can become selfish when they have no one to love but themselves. When I became mentally ill, I desired nothing but to work on myself to become a better man. But along the way, I sacrificed having children. I became selfish, sharing nothing of myself with no one.

Fear can do that to you.

Schizophrenia can become a roadblock in so many ways if you let it. It is a major mental illness that sometimes people cannot shake. Symptoms can be real or imagined. Behaviors can be real through feelings of paranoia, stress, and anxiety. People with mental illnesses can even die because of it.

Mental illness strikes when people are young. That is so tragic. This is the time when we try to define ourselves as adults. Overburdened with mental illness and a long recovery, I left Washington D.C. with a dream to return one day as a healthy successful mature man.

Schizophrenia is nightmarish. It saps your energy. It takes so much from you. As a young adult, I had to focus on getting better. This was my recovery, but along the way, I became overly selfish.

I believe I could have been a great dad.

Changing diapers. Teaching my daughter how to ride a scooter. Playing pitch and catch with my son.

I believe I could have been a great dad. If only.

Today, I would sit and explain to my younger self all those years ago when he felt unlovable that the recovery journey begins when you love yourself enough to share this love with others.

I would even guide my children to love others as I loved them. Now, my mission is to teach others with mental illnesses and other disabilities to love. Break down the roadblock of life regardless of the disaster that strikes.